If staying off alcohol and implementing a new fitness regime is getting you down this January then spare a thought for those poor souls in sunny California who were nominated for a Golden Globe award. As soon as the Christmas tree was put out to pasture, it was time to start getting ready for the first of the award ceremonies. And let’s not forget there are more to come. The BAFTAs and the Oscars are the big crescendo but before then the stars have to get through the PGAs, the SAGs, the ACEs, the DGAs and the WGAs. I am not joking. You can see how full length dresses, heels and diamonds might lose their novelty after all that.
The Golden Globes coverage always comes at a time when us lesser mortals have hung up our sparkly jumpers and are relying mostly on thick socks and pjs, so far be it from me to criticise the wardrobe choices of the stars. However there are lessons to be learned and it’s a bonus to be able to learn from the mistakes of others don’t you think?
Here are the right and wrong way to do some of the red carpet trends this year:
I just don’t like Kirsten Dunst’s dress, she has a great figure and this is doing nothing for it. Meanwhile Dame Helen, who has a similar hourglass figure to Kirsten, looks simply perfect. Booby frocks are all very well but Kirsten’s Valentino one looks like it’s on back to front – and not in a good way. Soz Kirsten.
I love that ruffles are having a moment and I’m not even averse to a bit of meringue but oh Jane, that wavy top half looks like my mum’s roof. For someone who managed to make leotards and leg warmers look cool and sexy in the ’80s, I’m disappointed in Jane Fonda. Coming up on the inside is Alicia Vikander who looks cute as a button, ruffles an’ all.
Right at the start of his career in the sixties, my dad wrote a whole article about the virtues of the colour burgundy. It’s not something I could write much more than a paragraph about and it wouldn’t be my first or even second choice for an evening gown but here we have two actresses in it. While Olivia Wilde’s gown is slinky, shimmering and simply cut, the fabric of Zendaya’s makes her look like a sofa in an Oscar Wilde play. An IKEA sofa would have been less ageing.
I love Jennifer Lawrence and rarely does she put a foot wrong on the red carpet but this Dior number is not good. It’s unflattering and stiff looking and makes her look a bit square when usually she’s the perfect hourglass. Brie Larson however has pulled out all the stops and the cut-aways on her Calvin Klein number are in just the right place to draw attention to and highlight her amazing abs, rather than distracting from the rest of the look.
I can’t look at Heidi Klum in this dress without feeling a bit itchy. There’s just too much fringing. Fringing, by definition, should be just a fringe. This is actually a hairy dress and it’s completely disguised the incredible Klum body. In complete contrast, Rooney Mara’s flesh coloured dress looks less like Jeremy Corbyn’s beard and more like the most delicate piece of cobweb imaginable – she looks breath taking.
It’s a long haul to the Oscars on February 28th. As you count the days down to the end of dry January, pity those nominees who will have a further month of working out, facials, fasting and depilating. Suddenly Blue Monday doesn’t seem so bad.