All I Want for Christmas is… a rashguard

Pearl body chain £45 Miss Selfridge

Pearl body chain £45 Miss Selfridge

Have you ever worn a garment like this? Do you have one in your wardrobe? Would it go on a hanger or in a box? Does knowing it is called a pearl body chain make it any clearer?

Last week I talked about those things you need in your wardrobe to be Of The Moment in terms of trends. Pleats, lace-up shoes and wide trousers are all well and good if they suit your body shape and your wallet but the crucial question is does this look suit your lifestyle? Because if it doesn’t then as much as you may covet the scarlet red spike heels or the slashed to the thigh maxi skirt, if you have no call for such a thing you simply won’t get much bang for your buck and there’s nothing more annoying then a huge unjustifiable cost per wear.

I don’t suppose there are too many women (let’s assume it’s intended for women) who would get a good return on the pearl body chain. Although only £45 and available at Miss Selfridge, this is surely a niche product. It’s the sort of item that might pop up on the Apprentice, the daft candidates going into a spin as they try to sell it on to bemused shop owners without knowing what it’s actually for. I’m fascinated by this piece of jewellery / clothing but one thing’s for sure, if I wore it the strings of pearls would end up either in a clump down the middle or like curtains secured by tie-backs on either side. Yikes.

Daisy ears hairband reduced to £4 at River Island

Daisy ears hairband reduced to £4 at River Island

Miss Selfridge is still charging full price for the pearl string vest but I have no doubt it will go the way of the daisy ears hairband – again, I’m not sure naming it makes it any clearer why it came into existence. Bunny ears were seen at London Fashion Week and they drew attention but that’s fashion week, it’s not real life. I’m trying to imagine the reaction if I wore these flowery mounds on my head in the school playground. I don’t really talk to anyone much as it is but I think turning up with an extra pair of ears might seal my fate for the next six years. Also, I can’t help thinking the ears themselves are so large, on a windy day it might start to control your sense of direction.

Shirt collar bib £10 River Island

Shirt collar bib £10 River Island

So how much more sensible on the face of it is the shirt bib collar, also dreamed up by River Island. But then consider it a moment longer. Do you wear this for lunch over the top of your actual top so that when you dribble your soup down your front you can whip the shirt bib off and look spotless for the rest of the day? Or do you wear it instead of a proper shirt under a jacket so you can sweat into your expensive dry clean only jacket? Or have I completely missed the point and this is in fact along the same lines as the pearl body chain and should be sensibly styled as jewellery? My mum used to iron only the front of my dad’s work shirts since that was the only part that would show in the office – she was clearly making far too much of an effort.

Rashguard $44.50 Victoria's Secret

Rashguard $44.50 Victoria’s Secret

I had to look twice when I saw the ‘rashguard’ listing on the Victoria’s Secret website. Whose idea was it I wonder to use the word ‘rash’ in conjunction with supposedly sexy lingerie? Interesting.


Cat bag £19.99 New Look

Cat bag £19.99 New Look

This bag looks like it might give you a rash if you held it too close to your chest. I love pink and I love cats and bags are useful but I’m quite sure I don’t want a pink cat bag. Whatever next? Well, if nothing else I’ve made a great start to my christmas present list – pearl body chain for my mum, bunny ears for my sister…

About aftercarrie

I help people refine their wardrobe to suit their shape, colouring and lifestyle. I am a style consultant, personal shopper and colour analyst working in London. Be the loveliest possible you. My first book SHOPPED was released on 5th July 2016 (September Publishing).
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