There are few things more frustrating than standing on a cold and dark morning in front of a cupboard full of clothes, and not wanting to wear any of them. When the weather is crap and time is short, it can be hard to feel inspired to dress well, or even to get dressed at all. I have got into the habit of pulling out my clothes for work the night before just to save myself the agony. Trouble with that is, if on Monday evening after a much needed glass of wine you are in a ‘Joan from Mad Men’ kinda mood, your outfit won’t cut it on Tuesday morning if you wake up feeling more ‘Sarah from the Killing’. I would be more likely to forgo breakfast than set off for the day feeling unhappy with my outfit – I just have to feel good in what I’m wearing. We all know what it’s like to spend the day hoisting up slightly too short tights or readjusting an ill-fitting dress. It’s hideous and it’s simply not worth the misery, especially if there is nothing you can do about it until you get home. A friend and I far too regularly text each other to report having set out with mascara only on one eye, no eyebrows at all or only one earring in the panic of organising toddlers. However these things are redeemable. A silk blouse that shows your nipples is not (well, have you tried keeping strategically placed hair in place for eight hours straight?)
So it is with little sympathy that I cast an eye over the choices of the rich, famous and unforgiveably gorgeous at this year’s Golden Globes ceremony. Yes, they are under scrutiny and yes, for every person who hearts a gown, there will be another two who hate it. But come on, these dresses are mostly borrowed and styled and worn by women who are not having to get ready in ten minutes whilst trying not to burn the fish fingers.
I flippin’ LOVE awards season and even covered the red carpet at the BAFTAs one year (fyi, Ricky Gervais was reluctant to discuss his tux, Judi Dench and Helen Mirren stunning, while Bond girl Eva Green’s vintage dress up close was really rather dog-eared).
Here are my winners and losers of the night – that thing about there only being winners is a load of nonsense of course. The proof is in the pudding…
Colour can make all the difference:
The red carpet was unusually a riot of colour this year with far fewer ladies opting for black. Helen Mirren, Amy Adams and Reese Witherspoon offered a master class in flattering shades for fairer colourings.
Know your shape and work it:
We all have bits of our bodies we’re not mad about but there is always a way to emphasise those areas you’re quite happy to show off. Melissa McCarthy’s dress was a great choice, drawing the eye to the centre with the lighter sparkly sash. Personally, I loved the fairytale look of Sarah Paulson’s dress but she got away with it because there wasn’t too much of it and the shape was perfect for her petite figure.
I’m all for having fun with fashion and trying something different but sometimes you’ve got to wonder what one earth possessed a person who must have had the pick of the crop. It must be a challenge to make Paula Patton look lumpy but someone succeeded with this filo pastry monstrosity. Sandra Bullock looked uneasy in her Licorice Allsort creation while I wonder if Lena Dunham picked her gown as a joke. For a bright and brilliant woman she couldn’t have got it more wrong – the colour drains her, it is ill-fitting and unflattering and well, surely there was something better than this? Zoe Saldana is another surprising casualty and her frock looks like something I might have designed when I was 12. Just trying to imagine the moment these ladies saw themselves in the mirror and thought, “YES. This is THE ONE. I must have it!!”*
All in all though, this was a much more adventurous year on the red carpet fashion-wise and long may it continue. If nothing else, it’s comforting to know that with every designer at their disposal, even the stars get it wrong sometimes. And they’re not getting ready in the dark while still half asleep. Let’s see how they fare next month at the BAFTAs where it will inevitably be bloody freezing and pissing it down.
*Can’t claim this as my own, I have paraphrased an Andy Warhol quote.